“You are insubordinate,” the teacher declared to me. I
had no idea what that big word meant. She told me to go look it up in the
dictionary. Well, I’ll be! I
thought. On another occasion, after
hurting a fellow classmate I was told to see the principal. The possibility of
being expelled was clearly stated if I didn’t change my ways. Then a friend
commented, “Joy, you are not like you used to be.” What are all these people talking about? I wondered. It was
confusing being thirteen years old. It came to my attention I had a problem
with being submissive to authorities in particular. Inwardly I didn’t care to
keep any rule unless it made sense. That was my criteria for following rules
and in my opinion most rules didn’t fall in that category. While I was growing
up I was determined to get my way. My will ruled. Thus started a painful
journey of discovering that by nature I am rebellious and unsubmissive and needed
power beyond myself to tame that wild side. Being summoned to see the principal
was a wakeup call. I cried out to God to change me.
Another time after being insubordinate my dad had me
kneel at the bed and sing “Have Thine Own Way, Lord.” I thank God for some
tough lessons learned in “Obedience
School”.
Every once in a
while that spirit of insubordination still rises up within me but praise God a
transformation by God has gradually been at work within me. Without
intervention help from God I would not be qualified to engage in ministry among
Muslims. Becoming qualified is not just about head knowledge or giftings. It
just does not work to minister and be insubordinate and unsubmissive at the
same time. Much good fruit comes when an unsubmissive fighting spirit is tamed
by the Holy Spirit. When I started saying,
“not my will but your will be done,” I entered a new sphere! Then I became more
ready to be sent to people who also struggle with submissiveness. We can take
people only as far as we have journeyed.
In my ministry
among believers(and Muslims) I encounter rebellion, anger, revengeful talk, and
agitation. Sometimes the rebellion is about a husband, a landlord, welfare
office, or rules and restrictions about living in her adopted new land. I have
to remind myself I have been there but God has been mellowing and transforming
me. I am much more at rest and peace now that I have learned the value and
wisdom of submitting to God and His ways. There really is sweet fruit that comes from
learning to be submissive. It makes us more effective in ministry and more
winsome among people. One of the character traits I ask God to develop in
believers is growth in becoming teachable, submissive, and obedient to the Lord.
Often that seems better taught by
example than with words.
Dear heavenly Father, keep taming my strong will. In
Jesus’ name, Amen.
