Nuri shared how she was “going crazy” with all the pressure, demands, expectations, and checking coming from certain Christians about how she should live the Christian life, go to church regularly, and how to properly discipline her children. She had been taken under their wings but now she was beginning to feel closed in and “owned” by them because they continually gave her generous gifts and money which in turn made her feel obligated to them. To talk about her pent up feelings or to put boundaries in place had never been allowed as a Muslim. She just had to submit. No doubt these Christians have meant only good and are trying their very best to take care of this new believer but Nuri needs more breathing space to grow and flourish in her new faith.
The above description of Nuri is a composite of a few
believers I know who have come out of Islam. It is true that many of them have
experienced spiritual monitoring while Muslims.
Most of the ones I am acquainted with talk about being controlled by
someone in their family or community when they were Muslims. There were many
spoken and unspoken demands and expectations of them. They had to fit in right, act right, dress
right, pray right….or else they could expect some rebuke or backlash. They were
usually attracted to Christ because they sensed there was freedom and breathing
space. As Muslim women they had not usually cultivated a habit of going to the
mosque for Friday prayers so when they gave their allegiance to Christ going to
church was a new habit to learn. A huge
shift takes place as a new faith and lifestyle develop. I have tried to encourage
my sisters in every way possible to make church attendance a habit so they can
grow and have teaching and fellowship. It seems to work best when done gently and by example; not by
pressuring and checking up which can easily produce a sense of condemnation
that they are not pleasing certain Christians enough. They can get stressed
out, give up, or run away. They usually have not learned any other way to get
peace of mind than to cut off from people who put the bar too high. It can be delicate!
Not every believer experiences pressure from Christians. I
know believers who are flourishing beautifully with mentors who are modelling
by example and with gentleness. There is
accountability to a degree but not “ownership” of the believer. They have been
given plenty of space to develop and to learn how to make new choices, form new
habits, and learn from mistakes. This is organic spiritual growth. Such believers
display a joyful free spirit. Personally it has always been a challenge to find the right balance between demanding and nurturing. It was true for me in parenting days and it continues on in discipling. I am still learning. Parenting is a great school for learning how to disciple.
Dear heavenly Father, please help me to understand how to
best nurture believers. In Jesus’ name,
Amen. 
