I experienced some terrible loneliness as a young missionary
mom in Pakistan. Sometimes I wonder how
I ever survived those times. Never before and never after that time have I
walked through such a painful wilderness of loneliness. Certainly days and even seasons of loneliness
have been experienced since then but not to the same degree as in Pakistan. My
husband and I were assigned to live at a mission hospital compound in a rural
area. There was no shortage of people
around. There were no television, computer, phone, bookstore, Christian radio
station, shopping mall, coffee shop, women’s Bible study group, or recreational
activities available which could fill the loneliness. It was not considered
appropriate to cycle or walk alone. If I had been a medical professional my
days would have been filled with busyness attending to patients’ needs. When I heard the latest episodes of medical
diagnoses and care of patients it often frightened me. I was not comfortable around hospital talk. However,
those hospital wards were my school in engaging in evangelism among Muslim
patients and their relatives and that was extremely valuable. A better place could not have been designed for
me. Nevertheless I wondered if I would
make it. I do not remember ever talking
about my loneliness with any fellow missionary fearing I
might be judged as an incompetent missionary.
Well, here I am still engaged in evangelism among Muslim
women, but in my homeland, and everything is available to distract and fill
lonely days. What I have discovered is
that it is not so much the geography that induces loneliness but just being
engaged in Muslim evangelism. It is sometimes a lonely path although I have to
say that there is nothing I enjoy more! There really are lots of surprises,
thrills, and mysteries. But it can be
lonely when Christians do not grasp the spiritual lostness of people or how
difficult it can be to explain the Good News to someone who is conditioned
against the Truth, or if they aren’t able to understand the spiritual battles
confronted continually. Thankfully, God
has brought some wonderful fellow Christians into my life who do understand and
pray for me.
Many times I have thanked God for allowing me to experience
loneliness because He has sent me to some very lonely Muslims. How could I empathize with them if I had not
walked through loneliness myself? There
are countless lonely Muslim women who are homesick and separated from families
overseas or existing in lonely marriages. Some of them are having a hard time
adjusting in my homeland. They feel like fish out of water. Then there is the gnawing loneliness of never
knowing for certain if their sins are forgiven or if they are acceptable with
Allah. There is the awful weight of wondering if they will suffer long in hell.
Recently Fatima poured out her loneliness to me. I asked her if she felt
lonely. Tears filled her eyes as she nodded yes. My heart broke for her. It
sure helps to understand loneliness personally.
Dear heavenly Father, thank you for sending the Comforter to
us. How we need Him! In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
