Amal who is an abused wife wants to be safe and secure and avoid a backlash of anger or get beaten for displeasing her husband. The first time I picked her up she said, “Next time please pick me up on the other side of the building. I don’t want my husband to see.” She also told him another reason why she was going out which was not true. It did not take long until I discerned that Amal was living a secretive lifestyle of giving false impressions, conniving, lying, and pretending. She had two faces. Even though she had knowledge of women’s shelters, emergency help phone numbers, and protection laws she did not want to make use of them. She resigned herself to this way of life which had now become a habit. She would just learn how to live secretively as smart as possible.
Ibtisam is the picture of a subservient wife. She has learned it is advantageous to keep silent than to argue. One day I began to see Ibtisam was scheming secretively how to get what she longed for but was being denied of: a separate bank account, her own phone, and some pocket money of her own. She wanted to know how to go about getting all those things accomplished without her husband knowing. I explained about her rights in our western nation but I knew she would not pursue them because to her that would mean she is a “bad woman” – a Muslim woman’s greatest fear. So, she resorts to a secretive lifestyle.
Fawziah was desperate to get away from her controlling mother. She was determined to disappear without her knowing. I tried to explain that she could always leave but she should honor her mother by at least letting her know she was leaving. She would burn her bridges for any future communication if she would leave without saying goodbye. But she found someone(a Christian, unfortunately) to help her plan a secret escape and left without letting her mother know. She was angry with me for not being willing to plan a secret escape for her. Sadly I lost my friendship with Ibtisam because I would not partner with her secret plan.
When we reach out in friendship with Muslim women we will surely hear sad stories of abuse, control, duplicity, secretiveness, and schemes. It is amazing how freely they share their secrets with Christians. I ask God for wisdom and discernment in dealing with secretive schemes and lifestyles. It is important to have a conversation about control and fear issues which are at the root of secretiveness. I keep learning how to speak into secretive lifestyles. There have been some situations previously where, unfortunately, I actually reinforced secretiveness. I suspect every human at some point in life is tempted to live in secrecy. It is wonderful to walk in the Light and be children of the Light. That is real freedom!
When encountering hearing secrets I try to direct attention to a better way to live.
Dear heavenly Father, I need wisdom to know how to help troubled fearful Muslim women. I really want to walk in the Light and not participate in any deeds of darkness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Dear heavenly Father, I need wisdom to know how to help troubled fearful Muslim women. I really want to walk in the Light and not participate in any deeds of darkness. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 
